Was My Addiction a Blessing or a Curse?
I am a cocaine addict.
In fact, I am proud when I say that now. (in this new life of recovery).
Thanks to @Always-Hope.ca, I am slowly finding new ways of living life in sobriety, thanks to the tools I have now been given to handle situations that truly used to baffle me.
And the best part is – I am loving each and every moment of it!
To be eternally grateful for a life I could only imagine in my addiction; has turned out to become one the biggest gifts I have come to experience.
A new life in recovery.
I call it a miracle, or some may call it a blessing – whatever it is, it is magical. For somebody who never had faith in God, it seems almost surreal that a higher power of some sort could restore (people like myself) from a completely hopeless state of mind, body and soul. Especially when I resented the very thought of such an entity.
In fact, I hated god in the early days of my life.
Standing at the edge of the world – it came down to two choices when I had hit yet another rock bottom in my addiction.
The two choices were:
- I could jump off
- I could turn back
What would it be?
I was so far gone from the world I once knew and loved, that I had become perfectly fine living in the dirtiest dumps I had come to see and believe, would be my new home.
To not only lose my sanity in the process, I became someone I truly did not dream of being as a child. In fact, people used to call me “S.Y.N” in my early days of being out on the streets, that I have now come to truly realize the meaning behind that name I was given:
“Someone You’re Not”.
Chasing something that was never there to begin with, was truly my interpretation of what we call a “fool’s gold”. I had become so desperate in my addiction, that I truly thought I could not live life sober. Without another hit? This was something I truly thought was impossible.
With the help of Always-Hope.ca, my new life is now filled with endless opportunities.
And I am not just saying that.
I am loving life as I write this.
I am living proof as I write this.
I am giving hope as I write this.
I made a decision that I had to go to any lengths to get my life back, even if that meant losing everything I loved. (thank god I didn’t, but I was at a point in my life where I was ready to).
And you may wonder:
(Would I give up my addiction and love for it – to trade it in for something I had no clue about)
Specifically, this was the hardest question I had to ask myself in treatment. It was particularly scary for me at first – because I was so comfortable in my addiction that I had come to enjoy the excuses, the lies, and the fairy tale life I had been getting away with for so many years. But, Was I being true to others?
More importantly, was I being true to myself?
By the end of it, I had to ask myself:
“How much is my life worth?”
Thank god, now I know
My life is worth each and every second I breathe.
My life is worth each and every moment I live.
My life is worth each and every person I have crossed paths with to show how much love I can give to the world through my eyes.
That my brother/sister to me is: Priceless!
1. [H]onesty starts within myself first and foremost
2. [O]pen-mindedness to learning a new way of living, because I was living my last life all wrong
3. [W]illingness to go as far or wide to get my life back. After all, didn’t I go the same lengths to get another high?
Each and everyday in this new life in recovery is just getting better and better.
And I am only on day 49!
And everyday I feel less of a slave to the chaos I created in my life, and now I am slowly getting closer to a new freedom, cut from the ball and chains I had been locked in for far too long.
I can’t imagine how I am going to feel on day 365. Absolutely amazing I presume.
But all I have is hope, courage, and for that – I am grateful for this new life that I have been given.
I call life in sobriety the biggest gift in my life.
I call life in addiction the biggest curse in my life.
What choice would I make?
The gift and the curse as I call it now, has given me the courage to be true to myself. I now choose to live my life labelled as “a recovering addict” who has now sacrificed his old life to be of service to others who are in dire need of help. I can choose to be the boulder in the path, or I can be the guiding light to the end of the tunnel.
But ultimately, it came down to me. A choice I would have to make for myself, and myself only. No one could make this choice for me, except myself.
And forever into eternity, the decision I make will be something no one in the entire world could take away from me. I will take this to the grave.
As each day passes, I find myself successfully completing my regular day-to-day activities that used to take me weeks to get through – I am now getting done in a day.
Wow, what an amazing feeling one could have..
But one day at a time.
But one step at a time.
But one moment at a time is the thy new way of life I live by.
It’s all I have to give, and truthfully, it’s all I had left.
What choice will you make? Call Roger at Always Hope today for help.