ALWAYS HOPE DENIAL
One of the most
frustrating factors in dealing with alcoholism and/or addiction, as a relative,
friend or professional, is it is almost always accompanied by a phenomenon
known as “denial”. In the long path
the addict/alcoholic takes toward mental, physical and moral decline, usually
the first thing to go is honesty. He or she simply lies about his drinking.
These may be little lies at first, but they grow fast. How many times have you
said something like “I only had two … I haven’t drank (or
drugged) in a week… I don’t drink as much as others do…” these are our
ways to keep using, it give us permission!
Call or message 1-829-932-0123 today for assistance.
As we, the addicts or
alcoholics begin to use more drugs and drink more alcohol, and maybe more
often, we begin to hide this fact from those around us. Depending upon our
circumstances we may drink or use openly, but usually we will conceal the
amount we use or drink, or not using or drinking around those who are close to
us and lie when or if we are asked about it.
If someone tries to
discuss his drinking with us, we simply refuse to talk about it, or dismiss it
as not a real problem. After all, we are
adults now and we can drink or use if we want to, it’s nobody else’s business,
what I do, it’s not hurting anyone but me and it’s not as bad as everyone
thinks it is.
Clues to a Problem
But these simple acts of
denial, lying about our drinking/using or refusing to discuss it, are clues to
us that deep down inside we know that we have a problem.
If it’s not a problem, why do we lie about it to anyone? Are we protecting the ones we love, or work for, or associate with? But as true addict/alcoholics, we know there is something wrong, we may not know it is a disease, but we feel that there is something different about us. We cover up and deny our using or drinking out of our own feelings that there is something different or “wrong” about it or maybe there is something wrong with us. Somewhere inside we realize that our drinking or using means more to us than we are willing to admit.
Even though our sprees have gotten us into some real trouble, we still deny that it has anything to do with us. Some say this is purely a defense mechanism. How is this possible? Usually by the time the disease has gotten to the crisis point, we have developed a support system of family and friends who unwittingly enable us to continue in our denial.
Because they love us,
they act to protect us by covering for us, doing the work that we don’t get
done, paying our bills that we don’t pay, rescuing us from scrapes with the
law, and generally taking up the responsibilities that we have abandoned.
Protecting the Addict/Alcoholic
Have your loved ones
ever lied for you such as “__________ can’t come in to work today, They have a
virus” or “We’ve got to get him/her out of jail, he’ll lose his/her job! Then
what will we do” or even “It was my fault, officer, I said some
things I should not have said”
By doing these things, our loved ones are protecting the addict/alcoholic from the consequences of their own actions. We never have to feel the real pain caused by using and drinking. They rush in to put “pillows” under us so we doesn’t hurt ourselves in the fall. Consequently, we alcoholics and addicts never find out how much it hurts or feels to fall, and thereby never feel empowered to make it right either.
Although our drugging
and/or drinking has placed us in a helpless and dependent position, we can
continue to believe we are still independent because we have been rescued from
our troubles by our well-meaning family, friends, co-workers, employers and sometimes
clergymen and counsellors.
The roles these enablers
play to “help” the alcoholic can be just as hurtful and harmful as
the addicts/alcoholics behaviour, but that is a story for another day.
With these enabling
devices in place, we addicts/alcoholics are free to continue in the progression
of our disease, with our denial intact, until we perhaps reach the point of
hitting our bottom, at which point even the most dedicated drug user or drinker
must finally admit there is a problem. But there is no way for us to ever hit
bottom when it’s always covered with pillows.
Are you willing to admit that that you are struggling and willing to receive help so you can stop hurting yourself and those around you? parents, children, friends, co-workers and anyone else who is affected by your destructive behaviours? If the answer is yes we at Always Hope can help. Call or message 1-829-932-0123 today.